Decision to come back

I've decided to return to my true love and home. I have continued to think to myself through these past couple of days on what my heart tells me. I now have realised that when I return to Rochester, we will figure out these challenges we face. I must return to see if he is okay, realising that he could be in harm makes me ill to my stomach. Everyones tweets expressing their feelings has made me realise that I honestly have dearing friends. I never wanted to accept this love, I never knew that my feelings will still remain, if not grow even more towards him. I love him and I do not care what other people say, therefore I must return.
xx Jane

Thoughts

Life is so hard when you have just lost everyone that you thought would always be there. The special people that you thought were no harm and trustworthy and you realise that its all a lie. People act and smile in front of me but show hatred behind my back. I could not handle being the outsider anymore and getting treated like I was a kid and get secrets hidden away from me.

Everyone in Thornfield knew except for me about Bertha.   I thought to my self enough is enough. Sorry for making my blog sound sad for the past couple of blogs, I just wanted the secret about Rochester and Bertha to be a secret. I didnt want to get involved in any of their lives.

I am not going  to show my emotions because I am a strong independent woman. I am strong on my morals. I do not care on what other people think but on my opinions. I am just going to think to learn my lesson from this experience that I never want to have. 

 

Jane x

Forgiving but not forgetting..

Forgiveness is hard to find... I'm still looking for it. I wish my heart was not broken or I would be myself. where am I? I do not know but that does not make up for the pain that I feel. He broke my heart into many pieces, now I must put it back together. Time is a healer and I need it to recover from this heartache.  I have been walking for so long, it helps to clear my mind. Life can break you. Nobody can protect me from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. I have to love. I have to feel. It is the reason i am here on earth. I wish that he made it easier to leave him with his deep dark features that are so mysterious I get lost in his eyes. I wish i could return but eveyrday it gets harder and harder. I am going to keep walking and thinking, its what I need if I want to return as myself.

Jane x

Thornfield

It’s been a while since I blogged, I left Lowood and arrived at thorn field three weeks ago. I have some rather sad news, Helen died after suffering from typhoid. I was devastated after she died I was lost and didn’t know what to do with myself. She was such a caring, loving and sweet person who made my time at Lowood somewhat bearable. After her death my time at Lowood became a struggle as had no companion to guide me through and no positive figure to keep me going.  I do still miss her and think about her everyday but she is with god now which is where she wanted to be. I do like it here at thorn field, the people are lovely and I have enjoyed my time so far.  I am a governess to a young girl called Adele Varns a sweet French girl who is a joy to teach.  I love Adele and hopefully I can stay here. Thornfield has become an important part of my life; I met an older man Mr Rochester. There is a problem though I may be his intellectual equal but I am not his social equal. He is wealthier than me and I am afraid that it is holding us back from being together which makes being around him so much more difficult. He is a handsome man with dark features and a stern look in his eyes. I love to sketch him in the garden, he is so intriguing. I hope that our relationship can further as he is a lovely man that I hope to get to know. Adele is calling me I must go. Talk soon

Jane x

Lowood

I arrived at Lowood with high expectations as I was free from my dreadful aunt reed and evil cousin john. I wasn’t used to being away from Gateshead but I needed a fresh start. I wasn’t pleased to be with Mr Brocklehurst though, he made aunt reed seem nice. When I arrived the girls treated me with kindness but the teachers did not. I met a friend, her name is Helen burns. She’s has gorgeous red locks, and smooth pale skin. She has been a great companion to distract me from my sorrows. We like to sit in the garden and talk for hours, I draw and she reads we are good company for each other. Miss temple is the only kind mother figure I have here; she is loving, sweet and kind. I wish I had someone like her at Gateshead. It makes me feel loved which is something that I haven’t felt in a while. I better go now Mr Brocklehurst is coming...

 Jane x

Gateshead

Gateshead, my home, well Mrs Reed’s home, I’m not welcome here; I can feel it every day, like I’m a pest. Mrs Reed, John, Georgiana and Eliza live together as a family with their wealth and spoilt attitudes, I’m quite the opposite; the odd one out. I’ve always been that way. I like to keep to myself by reading and imagining my own little world, away from this cruel family. I cannot express just how cruel this family is, people don’t understand, I can try all day long to share what they do but people don’t believe me, they would rather take Mrs Reed’s word. Let me tell you a story, a true story in fact, one day I was peacefully reading a book while hiding from John. If you knew John, you would do the exact same thing. As I was reading he was looking for me, just to torment me, like his usual stupid games. He found me, forcefully pulled me to the ground and beat me. I couldn’t take it anymore so I did it back, just as he deserved. I was so unlucky, the one time I decide to stand up for myself, Mrs Reed finds me in the moment of beating John.  She decided to give me a horrific punishment; to send me to the Red Room. I can’t talk about the Red Room; it’s too much for me. The experience still gives me chills to this day. I hear Bessie calling me. I don’t mind Bessie, she’s quite a sweet lady, I better get along now.

Jane x